When I started my own business over a decade ago, I hated the idea of selling my services.
It felt cheesy.
It felt forced.
It felt inauthentic to talk about my resume and accomplishments as if that’s what mattered most.
So I made a shift.
I stopped trying to sell… and I started asking questions.
Recently, I’ve been leading conference workshops across the country, and one of the most challenging exercises for audiences is this simple idea:
Ask questions instead of telling.
It sounds easy.
It’s not.
Most people are wired to jump in with answers, advice, or solutions, especially in leadership roles. But if you want to truly connect with a potential client, your supervisor, your team, or even in a meeting, you must slow down and get curious.
Here’s what that looks like in practice:
Ask about the challenges they’re facing.
Ask about the fears they have around those challenges.
Ask what has worked in the past and what hasn’t.
Ask them to define what success looks like.
And then ask questions that place them in that moment of success.
“What would it feel like if this problem was solved?”
“What would your team be doing differently?”
“What results will we see if this problem is fixed?”
When it’s time to respond, don’t shift back into “selling mode.”
Instead, mirror back what they said.
“Here’s what I heard…”
“You mentioned that one of your biggest challenges is…”
“You said success would look like…”
And then explain how you can help.
Using their language.
Not yours.
This isn’t just sales strategy.
It’s a leadership strategy.
Because when people feel heard, they engage.
When they feel understood, they trust.
And when they trust, you don’t have to sell them